Ani hu sheshokhen betokh

אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.אני הוא ששוכן בתוך קין.

face to fucking face

You say the truth will set us free...then set us free because my fingers are blistering from holding onto that final raggered string. x

1.2.3.4.5.6.

I am the one who dwells within
You think you can force me out?
I dare you...

New wave mannequins

Magazines form overseas, won't teach you how to feel
They trade in their hearts for indie rock charts to tell them what is real
The truth about conformity, is it bites without a sting
Trends come and go, but when your alone it doesn't mean a thing

soo Brian...

...It's time to let go now

dead and bloated

I am smelling like the rose that somebody gave me on my birthday deathbed
I am smelling like the rose that somebody gave me because I'm dead & bloated

Darling just don't put down your guns yet

If there really was a god here, he'd have raised a hand by now.

realise

The man inside the moon is watching you lie to me.

True freedom

"You think you're free? I'm free! You don't know what freedom is! I'm free. I can breathe. And you... will choke on your average fuckin' mediocre life! "

...Hollywood loses another young star

december sixteen two thousand and nine

That night was one of the most amazing and inspiring nights of my life. I finally witnessed the remarkable songwriting of fleetwood mac and the poetry of stevie nicks. Playing an amazing and highly entertaining set of all their classics while trying to out do each other musically just shook me emotionally and mentally to witness 4 people who have been through a lifetime of ups and downs to be still strutting their stuff in front of my very eyes.

To share it alongside my favourite little lady singing every word with me and going through every leap and bound of their emotional rollercoaster ride of songs meant alot, with my best mate drunk and entertaining amongst the crowd as well haha. Thankyou for a special night Mick, John, Lindsay and Stevie, you left us breathless for many hours after (even so I couldn't party yet drive around blaring youtube vids and singing our arses off).

It was nice to wake up the next morning with the biggest smile on my face.

x



"Oh mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life"

off and racing in the emotional stakes

Now coming around the final stretch here comes the chasers, my mind, my body, my soul but my heart stays in the lead.

landslide

I've been afraid of changing because I built my life around you

- stevie nicks x

weakness

You're just like all the rest and that's what sucks the most.

you

I love the way I see you
Even though your not in the room.

I love your passion
Even if its out of tune.

I love the way you listened
To everything I've said.

I love the way your alive
Even though your dead.

-ian curtis

Tomorrow!

My brother from another mother comes home and I witness fleetwood mac performing in front of my very eyes finally.Tomorrow will be a great day!

knocked out

Ahh the beautiful people you meet in hospital. It's ironic how the most ill or injured are also so nice

i think we have an emergency

I've seen love die way to many times when it deserves to be alive x

I dread the night

I want to be anyone in the world but me, trapped in the body of a man defeated, I am ashamed of mistakes repeated.

summer reign

I hate this time of the year. The ever reminder of loneliness wrapped in the pressure of trying to be festive. Thought you'd be around.

miss you x

knock knock

"I never felt open in any way. I would never impulsively ring people and assume that they’d want to see me, or just go ‘round. I always had to sit down and think very hard before I knocked on anybody’s door. And consequently, I never really knocked." - Morrissey.

irony in closure

"All i ever was to you, was a hand to hold and fun. All you ever were to me was the world. Closure never felt so right."

made me smile

Will you keep out all the sadness?

Happiness isn't always the best way to be happy.

I hope you're listening

God show me the way because the Devil's trying to break me down.

The only thing that I pray is that my feet don't fail me now.

I don't think there is nothing I can do now to right my wrongs.

I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we havn't spoke in so long.

The writer of our movie

It's like we've been reading this script, who's the director of this movie? He's doing a good job. It's like all the pieces could fit if only we turned them all around to see us, to see us?

Let me paint a scene for you nothing more nothing less than my favouritre dreams come true
It can't be real what we feel its like it's all been written.
The camera sitting in our eyes and this is how I see it. x

i let go

Sorry but you're just too beautiful and my chest can no longer take the pounding x

matters of the heart, mind and soul

The search for a god is meaningless if everyone dies alone,
What happened to intelligence is this over pregnant world?

I should know better but I'll always hate, make life a struggle, I'm better this way
If I live fast, but die young and insane, would I live forever an idol, a saint?

Does it feel better knowing forever was the devil himself lurking in disguise
His heartfelt confession did he ever mention was an ace up his sleeve of lies

Love is a struggle, faith will sedate, god is a vampire and I am the stake
Like longing for sweetness in a sour taste, you can't play the rebel in act of grace.

in light of death

(Something written quite some time ago)

Fucked up beyond repair I've got a web of memories
Tangled and easy to tear, torn and broken
Head up look to the sky, the moonlight glowing
The stars shine from your eyes, I know I'll see you on the otherside

baaaah fucking baaaah

People like you will never understand that the true price of beauty is in the untimely balance of our hearts.I don't blame you for not understanding instead almost empathise.

heaven as we know it

Fuck the new romantics, it's only rockn'roll.
This is our religion for heaven we'll never know!

x

her...

god would be soo stoked

xo

The pen is mightier than the sword

The Shack

“Who wants to worship a God who can be fully comprehended, eh? Not much mystery in that”

anger with reason

In the spaces in our teeth lie the weapons of our youth, tongues dancing behind teeth, joining throats to scream the truth!!!

Life is a clock

What's that, you've got an answer for time?

tick tock tick tock tick tock think of yourself

It's not a sensible failure .

I love turbulance

An ideal existence, discovering a book perfectly written

Minds go: this cycle must continue
Legs are chained to the pedals
Elastic has to give at some point
Expand, contract, decrease contact
When the smallest things trigger grave danger, grave digger
This presets a lie

Will insides decide to grow up and not give in?

riots at the big top

Shits going to get fucked up at luna park lad. Can't fucking wait!

still waiting

Today is a big day for me. As I sit here surrounded by green bags full of cds, books and dvds, boxes and bags full of clothes and packed up furniture and beds I smile as I look to the future. I'm shopping today for new household items, furniture and other fun things I seem to do whenever I move. Will I be content this time though. A house to finally call a home, somewhere I'll look forward to coming back to after each days adventures.

Today I woke up realising it's time to shop for other things too. My head is so strong right now but my heart still awakes so heavy every morning. It's an exciting time as I have a new home, a new band, new places I am off to adventure and tour, new venues to destroy as I play my heart out, shit I even have a new phone to play with, but why is there still a void ever so empty, ever so lonely? Is it love I still crave? Is it happiness? Is it more achievement and success?

The last couple of months have really opened my eyes as to who will truly remain in my life through thick and thin coming into the new year. It kills me to think of those I know won't be around or ones I've lost, but I really should look onto the future and finding and meeting more beautiful people to sweep my head, heart and therefore soul away. Going back home, Melbourne,Asia and London are all on the near futures cards so surely joy awaits me.

I once wrote, is craving substance worth feeling alone? I guess If I just enjoyed what I had I would be happier although quite bored. I love the challenge, the chase, the adventure and that ever deepening hole I find myself in while on the search for substance. A hole now that seems far too hard to climb myself out of.

I think back to lifes hardships and disappointments this year and I end it all with a smile knowing I'm so much fucking stronger and better for it. Nothing can stop me now, I will keep dancing my way through this life with no regrets and second guessing. Wanting, having, missing, loving and hurting will always be that devil on my shoulder though I've battled demons before, I will let my pen be mightier than my sword.

Everything is in it's right place. I bid farewell to a year of turbulance x

shoots coming soon

december 4

Sing it out loud like you fucking mean it, scream it even louder until your heart bleeds it for one day they'll listen and change will begin x

all smiles

Nothing can stop her from shining ever so brightly x

reality bites

Dear reality: please stop calling, I'm not ready to deal with you right now.call back later

irony

It kind of sucks when you find that light at the end of the tunnel ends up being the headlamp of an oncoming train

Home is where the.....is

"You know that point in your life when you realize that the house you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore…all of the sudden even though you have some place to put your shit, that idea of home is gone…or maybe its like this rite of passage…you will never have that feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, for your kids, for the family you start. It’s like a cycle or something. Maybe that’s all family really is: a group of people that miss the same imaginary place."

february we dine x

So go get your shovel and we'll dig a deep hole, to bury your castle x

upstairs

Not believing doesn't make me the devil.nothing rages inside me except for my passion and anger with reason.

meat

...and the words get smaller and smaller and we hold alot of hands, hug alot of bodies and we speak so much shit that no one understands no one fucking cares to understand. Who is the meat and who is the butcher? I am the butcher I am the fucking butcher and nobody cares to understand!!!

to live

Live your life love your life and fuck everyone else

sad indie songs

"It takes more than fucking someone to keep yourself warm."

forever and a day

I laugh at how frail you all really are x

the darkest secret of your heart

I can't be near you, the sky just radiates.

change

You know the great thing, though, is that change can be so constant you don't even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don't even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away, make you something different in an instant. It happened to me.

Life as a house

"The truth doesn't set us free. I can tell you I Love you as many times as you can stand to hear it and all that does, the only thing, is remind us... that Love is not enough. Not even close."

May faith and fate be lovers

We search until our hands bleed, to find that flower in a field of weeds. Though searching may not be the answer as flowers bloom when the time is right. In these seasons of change, throw away the unforgiveable, embrace the unforgetable.

Like cigarette ash on your cute shirt, blow away your troubles. Like a glass of water longing for the ocean, release yourself.

Clarity is my new best friend.the future my light.will you be around?

May faith and fate be lovers x

everything

"These violent delights have violent ends"

why...

Why does the past always come back to haunt me at the most inappropriate times? Stay away I have enough on my plate.

thankyou

For being my inspiration, my truth, my muse, my smiles, my tears and taking that thing beneath my ribcage and taking care of it. I will forever be greatful and have nothing but admiration, love and respect for you. It may very well be dangerous business stepping out the front door, but I do look forward to you being there when I open that door again.

xo

rats rats rats

Fine wine and DIY clothes...pure class. x

alive

Sometimes you've got to go through alot of awkwardness, bullshit, weirdness and confusion with people to realise who came into your life for a reason. Be it vaguely passing through like a faze of importance or beautifully staying in your life for a long period of time. I've learned alot this year about who I love and care about and why.Now as this year draws to an end and loneliness casts a familiar shadow over me once again I am content with what I have, goals I've reached, future plans and continously finding my strengths and rolling with the punches. Two particular people this year have blessed me with their presence and I will be forever be greatful to you both. You know who you are. Although I am sad to see some exit my life I believe it is truely for a reason and refuse to hate them. Heartbreak, mindache,soul searching and lifes endless endeavours have all plagued me the last couple of months but I will go into the new year with strength and freedom I find in truth, love and faith.

I will always cherish the beautiful. I am alive x

Steal something new

Is it just me or does everyone seem to have fashion blogs these days? Try fucking writing your thoughts and views on the world and surroundings or bringing up issues of importance. You aint all fashionistas. It would be ok if all your photos and styles weren't all the fucking same. Steal some new ideas you slaves of the fucking ordinary!!!

TO BE FUCKING CONTINUED!!!

from autumn to ashes

Just say you would do the same for me for as long as I love autumn, I'm giving myself to ashes. x

riots not diets take 2

it's just all about you

fuck you.hate you.miss you.love you

we'll be ok

we are ok...in a misguided sadist way

we are ok...in a disabled veteran way

goodbye

Thought I left you all behind put you all out of my mind thought I made it clear that I just didn't want to be near you again you could never be classed as a friend and we both know that it was time to go.

And as I walked away I distinctly remember hearing you say under your breath yeah he'll be back but I didn't come back did I?

Respect is what you lack. Goodbye again we both know that it just had to end

- goodbye (28 days)

just went to sleep for a while

pretty odd

I find it collectively odd that others are drawn to me yet I'm not drawn to myself. I find it sad that the world may one day hear my true voice yet I no longer have a true world to voice. Though I find it unbearable that I want to hate what I love for the simple fact I can walk away with reason and selfish content.For my heart no longer sings, it barely speaks. My brain no longer thinks, it just bleeds and my soul that once carried so many answers is now nothing more than questionable. It's tiresome being tiresome

salting the back of a snail

BULEMIA I'M FRAIL...

...HALLELUJAH I FELL

reflections

You're laying in bed with the pride of a lion...are you there?

contentment

Today I woke up


I've won this round with a sore head and a heavy heart. Sometimes turning to the past can help with the present


I'm alive x

fuck your blog!

With love came heartache, with truth came tears, but with strength I found myself.I will sacrifice mine to make sure you have yours, but only the right amount.forever beautiful x

riots not diets

a little thing called hope always hurt somebody

I hope you are more than a season, I hope you are more than the cold, I hope you are the warmer weather, a change remembered when I grow old

xo

god called in sick today...

...it must have been the shitty weather



It's sad that I never gave a damn about the weather,but then it never gave a damn about me

gillette cavalcade of sports

This is is where the train ride ends...

This isn't your decision

We were the best thing

and I'll go nowhere x

black

I'm nothing but a rat, a drowning rat.Black.Black.

You like to carry my heart in a bag thats broken.You're asking when do I stop? When the bottle's empty.

Blacker than my mother's soul. Drunk enough to raise us all.

Drowning rat.Black.Black.So black you can't even grasp the fact.

Blacker than a beggar's soul. Rich enough to save us all.

sleep

What's worse?...being petrified of falling asleep or of waking up?

born for this

We were all born screaming therefore it's ok to scream out loud until everyone hears your voice, scream until the world is deafened, until your voice is heard, scream with reason, passion and strength...for only the play it safers stay quiet...now where is the fun in being a slave of normality...to be struck down mouth wide shut, boring, uncreative and another sheep in a paddock of creatures...common creatures, the worst fucking kind.

We were all born crying therefore it's ok to cry out loud. I've found strength and feeling again in shedding tears. Something I thought I was incapable of came back to me recently. It felt good, damn fucking good.

To scream and to cry are such basic human instincts learnt as early as the day we left our mothers womb. I hope to continue both until the day I die.

x

say goodbye

So you face yesterday
Thinking on the days of old
And the price that we paid
For a love we couldn't hold

I let you slip away
There was nothing I could do
That was not so long ago,
yeah Still I often think of you

I fall down, I get up
And I've always had to fight
Everything that was wrong
For the things that were right

Just a time within a time
Just a scheme within a scheme
A little world within a world
Yes, a dream, just a dream

Now I finally found my way
Now I know just what to do
Once you said goodbye to me,
yeahNow I say goodbye to you

-Fleetwood Mac

with a heavy heart

A night to remember. Tears, hugs and choices. xo

never die

Wander as you do.I have the heart of a lion.Find your peace.I'm getting use to my new found vunerability.Are you really ok? Does it help to embrace it? We aren't lost. We are far too strong.



I will not be forgotten, I will not die.You are my smile.The fight's not over.



xo

beauty in the breakdown

You and me are going to be ok. You know that right?

simple

for everything in this world...

...fuck you

smile

p.s i went to snap a scotch finger bikky in half today and it broke the wrong way (as usual.. really pisses me off) and it flew in the air. and crumbs went all over me, my hair and the table
haha was pretty funny

but no one saw haha

(bella..21/10/09)

stay

I think if you stay, i might hurt you. you dont want to get hurt do you?

never die?

If we lived in hearts we left behind...then would we ever die? Escaping our securities when faced with risk and invaluable life adventure although seemingly hard and impossible at times, when overcome challenged and conquered can be the greatest gift given to oneself. Real truth in beauty, but what is the price?

The truth will set us free

xo

crave

Hand in hand, skin on skin, head to chest...for that one night, that one sleepy day is worth all the shit, all the confusion, all the hurt because none of that exists when she's around. Shit just stands still...simple, perfect, our masterpiece beautiful.

xo

no Mr Curtis...

...I won't let it tear me apart

xo

xo

Will his light wake me up?

Building walls this past year or so, but the foundations are too deep. These walls can only be pushed down by the one who's inside...but I'm asleep

Will his light wake me up?

Losing hope was the worst thing that I have done and now regret fills my lungs. Running into places where affection was once showing, as the water in my eyes isn't growing...shallow

sometimes you got to feel a little pain to feel at all

To know your worth is a powerful tool, helping oneself build contentment from within. Today change sets in and without really knowing how I will cope I start today with the realisation and understanding of what has confused me recently. Nothing but anothers honesty has saved me recently and helped me realise that truth really does set us free. Throwing down my guns in the search for peace at mind and heart, yet still dreaming that beautiful dream I prey may happen, but won't be as saddened if it doesn't.

She's still in awe of me and I'm still in awe of her...everything happens for a reason and we'll be ok xo

the killer in me is the killer in you

Strength, passion, loyalty, commitment, reason and choice. Are these the ingredients to my lifes very own receipe? A page in my book others choose to skip as they read onto their own eternal chapters of true happiness.

The killer in me is the killer in you so I shoot down the angels and scream it all out until my pillow knows no air. I embrace true beauty from a withering tightrope .

Hope, faith and restoration thrown aside for a single second of clarity as I stop to think...is love my only demon and is my strength to weak to fight?

xo

light

You're the light the world needs to see and I'm here to shine with you during the darkness xo

isolation

Do you believe you're missing out?That everything good is happening somewhere else, but with nobody in your bed, the night's hard to get through.

why?

I spoke to god today and I was bitterly dissapointed.

Can I find strength without distraction? Can I enjoy silence without comany? Why are saddened tears so beautiful?

...why did this happen to me?

here's to tomorrow

October 6

Sometimes the thought of losing that something special, although as hard and painful and confusing as it may seem, can also kickstart your heart to life again back into the strength it needs to get you through the days alone.

Behind every tear there is a smile. Behind every confused thought there is a clearer picture. Behind the "I miss you's", there will be "I will see you soons"

Stay beautiful, everything will be ok

xo

lack

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

true art

Everybody know's what it's like to create an artistic moment. It's heightened humanism. Making love all night, stripping your ego down, expressing yourself wordlessly, collaborating on a moment while creating an energy that's so fucking replenishing and inspirational. Now that's true art.

To be a man

To be kicked in the balls that many times and not know what it's like to be a man anymore...

6am

"thoughts of you overpower gallows blaring in my ear at 6am in the morning"

2 tabs of mescaline

This is worship and this is tribute

Am I crumbling, ripping and failing?