god called in sick today...

...it must have been the shitty weather



It's sad that I never gave a damn about the weather,but then it never gave a damn about me

gillette cavalcade of sports

This is is where the train ride ends...

This isn't your decision

We were the best thing

and I'll go nowhere x

black

I'm nothing but a rat, a drowning rat.Black.Black.

You like to carry my heart in a bag thats broken.You're asking when do I stop? When the bottle's empty.

Blacker than my mother's soul. Drunk enough to raise us all.

Drowning rat.Black.Black.So black you can't even grasp the fact.

Blacker than a beggar's soul. Rich enough to save us all.

sleep

What's worse?...being petrified of falling asleep or of waking up?

born for this

We were all born screaming therefore it's ok to scream out loud until everyone hears your voice, scream until the world is deafened, until your voice is heard, scream with reason, passion and strength...for only the play it safers stay quiet...now where is the fun in being a slave of normality...to be struck down mouth wide shut, boring, uncreative and another sheep in a paddock of creatures...common creatures, the worst fucking kind.

We were all born crying therefore it's ok to cry out loud. I've found strength and feeling again in shedding tears. Something I thought I was incapable of came back to me recently. It felt good, damn fucking good.

To scream and to cry are such basic human instincts learnt as early as the day we left our mothers womb. I hope to continue both until the day I die.

x

say goodbye

So you face yesterday
Thinking on the days of old
And the price that we paid
For a love we couldn't hold

I let you slip away
There was nothing I could do
That was not so long ago,
yeah Still I often think of you

I fall down, I get up
And I've always had to fight
Everything that was wrong
For the things that were right

Just a time within a time
Just a scheme within a scheme
A little world within a world
Yes, a dream, just a dream

Now I finally found my way
Now I know just what to do
Once you said goodbye to me,
yeahNow I say goodbye to you

-Fleetwood Mac

with a heavy heart

A night to remember. Tears, hugs and choices. xo

never die

Wander as you do.I have the heart of a lion.Find your peace.I'm getting use to my new found vunerability.Are you really ok? Does it help to embrace it? We aren't lost. We are far too strong.



I will not be forgotten, I will not die.You are my smile.The fight's not over.



xo

beauty in the breakdown

You and me are going to be ok. You know that right?

simple

for everything in this world...

...fuck you

smile

p.s i went to snap a scotch finger bikky in half today and it broke the wrong way (as usual.. really pisses me off) and it flew in the air. and crumbs went all over me, my hair and the table
haha was pretty funny

but no one saw haha

(bella..21/10/09)

stay

I think if you stay, i might hurt you. you dont want to get hurt do you?

never die?

If we lived in hearts we left behind...then would we ever die? Escaping our securities when faced with risk and invaluable life adventure although seemingly hard and impossible at times, when overcome challenged and conquered can be the greatest gift given to oneself. Real truth in beauty, but what is the price?

The truth will set us free

xo

crave

Hand in hand, skin on skin, head to chest...for that one night, that one sleepy day is worth all the shit, all the confusion, all the hurt because none of that exists when she's around. Shit just stands still...simple, perfect, our masterpiece beautiful.

xo

no Mr Curtis...

...I won't let it tear me apart

xo

xo

Will his light wake me up?

Building walls this past year or so, but the foundations are too deep. These walls can only be pushed down by the one who's inside...but I'm asleep

Will his light wake me up?

Losing hope was the worst thing that I have done and now regret fills my lungs. Running into places where affection was once showing, as the water in my eyes isn't growing...shallow

sometimes you got to feel a little pain to feel at all

To know your worth is a powerful tool, helping oneself build contentment from within. Today change sets in and without really knowing how I will cope I start today with the realisation and understanding of what has confused me recently. Nothing but anothers honesty has saved me recently and helped me realise that truth really does set us free. Throwing down my guns in the search for peace at mind and heart, yet still dreaming that beautiful dream I prey may happen, but won't be as saddened if it doesn't.

She's still in awe of me and I'm still in awe of her...everything happens for a reason and we'll be ok xo

the killer in me is the killer in you

Strength, passion, loyalty, commitment, reason and choice. Are these the ingredients to my lifes very own receipe? A page in my book others choose to skip as they read onto their own eternal chapters of true happiness.

The killer in me is the killer in you so I shoot down the angels and scream it all out until my pillow knows no air. I embrace true beauty from a withering tightrope .

Hope, faith and restoration thrown aside for a single second of clarity as I stop to think...is love my only demon and is my strength to weak to fight?

xo

light

You're the light the world needs to see and I'm here to shine with you during the darkness xo

isolation

Do you believe you're missing out?That everything good is happening somewhere else, but with nobody in your bed, the night's hard to get through.

why?

I spoke to god today and I was bitterly dissapointed.

Can I find strength without distraction? Can I enjoy silence without comany? Why are saddened tears so beautiful?

...why did this happen to me?

here's to tomorrow

October 6

Sometimes the thought of losing that something special, although as hard and painful and confusing as it may seem, can also kickstart your heart to life again back into the strength it needs to get you through the days alone.

Behind every tear there is a smile. Behind every confused thought there is a clearer picture. Behind the "I miss you's", there will be "I will see you soons"

Stay beautiful, everything will be ok

xo